It will generally start with something as mundane as a slight tapping in my foot. Oblivious to the direction fate is steering me, a slow twitch will work its way through my calf and thigh. There is a moment of panic as I recognize the familiar symptoms, yet am utterly helpless to its swift and unmerciful outcome. Like others males of my age and ethnicity, I have fallen victim to the consequences of listening to a surplus of Kanye West. I have been overcome with the need to dance…
Outwardly this might not sound quite the tragedy I portray it, but trust me, this isn’t just any kind of dancing. This is the spastic white boy that has drank way too much tequila variety. Equipped with an overbite and an intimate knowledge of BET music videos, I shuffle my feet to the dance floor and over zealously nod my head to a beat which rhythmically eludes me. One by one, friends will begin to diagnose my situation and distance themselves from the onslaught of flailing appendages and finger snapping. Processing through a hefty veil of intoxication, I recognize this cushion of space not as fear of association but of vindication to bust out my really good moves. I try out a spin and some hand claps, laughing maniacally as I disco point into the heavens. Before one can say “balderdash” three times fast, I have unknowingly just guaranteed a total eclipse over my sex life, also known as abstinence. There should be an Opera special about this shit…
If you feel like you have been diagnosed with this condition, take heart to know that there are steps to recovery. Shaking your “thang” to well made dance remixes from some of your favorite socialite-indie acts will magically transport you from the realm of “loser,” to “hipster!” In this new context, your angular approach on the booty drop will suddenly seem interpretive; finally there will be social acceptance. So rejoice and embrace the ways of 40 oz PBR but remember…no matter how badly your instincts incline, never ever film yourself in your room trying to dance to Soulja Boy again… This will be your fate.
Dust off the dance shoes and get ready for the weekend, because these tracks are hot:
Boys Noize Feist Remix - (MP3)
Hot Chip - My Piano (DJ Kicks)
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Comments About Screw Chicks Tonight Man, I Just Want To Dance
// 1 comments so far.
vanelly // December 14th 2007
You ARE and always will be a perfect specimen to look at……dancing….different story…..and taking photos, but this isnt the end for you. Just because the lord granted you white skin doesnt mean you have to give in. Just look to EMINEM. He made it and so can you.
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